im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
