1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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