I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
