Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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