I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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