literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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