i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize