so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
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