I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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