Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
