we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
