o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
