I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You are the jesus of drinking
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
