just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize