Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
