yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
