I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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