this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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