yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
