Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
