fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
