How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
