so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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