If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
