All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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