And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize