Pappa wants mamma naked
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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