Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
