how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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