two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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