I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
