I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
