ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
