I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
