Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
