My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize