I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
