There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
