The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
