Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I can't turn off my feet"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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