We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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