Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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