when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
