I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
