she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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