South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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