as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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