Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize