I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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