Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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