he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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