im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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