I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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