I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
