You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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