The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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