she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
