you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
