The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
