Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
