Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
