So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
