I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
