Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
