I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
