when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
