he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
