She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
