I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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