I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
