i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize