i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
