Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
