Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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