I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
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