We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
