worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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